Dancing With Noah

I wish everyone would just shut the fuck up

Andre Drummond is here

So maybe people should pay a little respect

He’s like a pretty black version of Sloth from Goonies, but with symmetrical facial features,

A keen mind, and an NBA contract,

Unchained from Lawrence Frank’s basement of 20-minute games

To a freedom where he doesn’t wreak havoc

He wreaks hell on victims in bulging musclebound ferocity,

His calm demeanor contradicting a storm of terror delivered with the

Fury of a hundred angry, scowling Kenyon Martins crossbred with salty Donald Sterlings

The Pistons are dead?

How can that be when Drummond’s dunks are sporty homicides that

Sacrifice feeble-bodied opponents to the blood-lusting spectators at the Palace

His snarling rebounds snared with the wings of a Velociraptor,

Swoll from injecting organic biofuels and carrying the weight of ghosts of Pistons past

Andre Drummond is 20-years-old, carved from the mind of Greek poets and

Given life by the nefarious bioengineers who created Drago in Rocky IV

He’s the art and the science, the inspired and the diabolic

Fuck what you heard

Dwight Howard’s a clown who hasn’t learned the world’s laughing at him

Blake Griffin’s a knockoff Shawn Kemp and fugazi to boot

Andrew Bynum’s the black Bill Walton of the modern day

Brook Lopez has the agility of Jabba the Hut

Anthony Davis is a delicate spindle dancing on the levees of injurious doom

If Drummond plays Beast, LaMarcus Aldridge is tea and crumpets

DeMarcus Cousins is Mitch “Blood” Green to Drummond’s Mike Tyson

Al Horford, Chris Bosh, Roy Hibbert are Shakespeare in the Park. Drummond is GWAR.

Tim Duncan is on life support and Shaq is dead

Today the world belongs to Andre Drummond.

It spins on his axes, tilts toward his sun, operates in his orbit.

The 9^th Wonder of the World is Andre Drummond …. Act accordingly